The Religion Fun Index. A Ranking of Which Religions are the Most Fun on This Earth

1. Ancient Hinduism and Tantrism (Comment: Sex, Sex, Sex)

2. Roman paganism (Comment: Good sex, terrific literature: mediocre in the painting and sculpture area. A little unfair to those Vestals.)

3. Greek paganism (Comment: What can we say, they invented the female nude - perhaps the most important moment in Western history. Still, the homosexual bit is somewhat overdone.)

Things go downhill rapidly from here.

4. Roman Catholicism (Comment: A religion with painters like Titian and Tintoretto can't be all bad. Plus they sweep the costume awards. But most of the popes are bad boy blowhards and the monasteries and celibacy are a big fat minus in the fun department. If it weren't for the Renaissance, Catholicism would be down near the bottom.)

5. Judaism (Comment: If I had been an Old Testament Jew I would have been stoned to death in a flash. Modern Reformed Judaism is redeemed a bit by its live and let live attitude, but other than that it doesn't offer up much in the fun department. That ban on graven images trips them up.)

6. Buddhism (Comments: Kind of weird).

7. Protestantism (Comment: Episcopalians make the best martinis - That joke has whiskers! - and Unitarians will leave you alone. Other than that the landscape is bleak. Mormonism looks like it could be fun but all they do is marry seven fat women instead of one fat woman like other Protestants. The entertainment is fun only if you think the Andrews Sisters and Donnie and Marie are great artists. Biggest minus: Baptists, Evangelicals and other Roundheads are the most active in preventing others from having fun. And their war against the Mohammedans will probably get us all killed.)

8. Modern Hinduism: (Comment: The British ruined a good thing. Hindus these days are just a bunch of old ladies.)

9. Mohammedanism (Comment: No Brainer - Hands down winner in the no-fun department. Women are unclean. Sex sucks. What art and literature there was dried up about 800 years ago. I can't understand why the Mohammedans hate the Roundheads so much since a good Mohammedan is just a Baptist with a veil.)